Sorry
by Green Crayons
Summary: I'm sorry about all the things I said to you. And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die.' Edward's thoughts post New Moon and before Eclipse. He hurt her so bad, can he get himself to accept her foregiveness and move on? Oneshot. Read and Review!


Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the song Sorry by Buckcherry.

Author's Note: I usually don't do oneshots, let alone songfics, but when I heard this song, I instantly fell in love with it, and it reminded me so, so, much of Edward's feelings post New Moon. I recommend you listen to the song, because it seriously is meaningful, even if you have never gone through the type of thing the lyrics are talking about, you'll still love it! Enjoy and review!

I changed a few of the words to fit Bella's and Edward's relationship, but not by much. It won't change the meaning of the song or anything.

Sorry- Buckcherry

Edward's Point of View

Post New Moon- Before Eclipse

_Oh I had a lot to say  
Was thinking on my time away  
I missed you and things weren't the same  
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right  
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die._

She lay in my arms, radiating warmth from every point of where our bodies touched, from every point that somehow connected us. She was still, hesitant, her breathing not as steady as it usually was when she slept, but I suppose it had something to do with the fact it had been far too long since I held in her slept. Far too long since we'd been together.

Emotions were raging inside of me, enough to make Jasper explode. I couldn't get myself to accept the apology she had given me, I couldn't feel as though I deserved the 'I love you's' she fed me, I couldn't get myself to do anything but love her, and feel so guilty for everything I did to her.

She had been nothing short of amazing, wonderful, nothing short of the perfect woman on the face of the earth, and I had, as seemed always, made the stupid, idiotic choice to leave her. It didn't make sense, as I pieced the reasons why I left her in the first place, it simply didn't. It was like trying to build a snowman when it's ninety degrees outside, it simply didn't work. __

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue  
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you  
and I know I can't take it back

I was so disgusted, so ashamed, of all the things I said to her. How I could get myself to say I didn't want her anymore was unfathomable to me. How I could get my lips to form those lies was harder than trying to take candy from a five year old. And how she could believe me –and so quickly and easily! - was more than enough to make forget the whole leaving her idea. She had always been so stubborn, so not wanting to change things, except for one that was.

It seemed like the one thing that would break her world, and did, was the one thing she wouldn't act stubborn to. It was like she really believed me, and I know I had put on good show, a straight face displaying no emotion, no touching her, it was still perplexing to see her believe me so easily.

_I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds  
and love, the way you make my world go 'round  
and I just wanted to say I'm sorry._

Bella was unexplainable; there weren't enough words to describe, in all of the languages known to man, how beautiful she was, how much I loved her, how much she made me feel human, how much she truly meant to me. It was like she had made my heart beat, silently, but it felt for the first time in a hundred odd some years, I was really living, like maybe, perhaps, I wasn't a damned soul after all.

She never ceased to amaze me, what with her love, and trust. She put all of her trust, which was more than a considerable amount, in the one person that could hurt her the most, psychically and emotionally. If I could shed tears I would, I truly didn't deserve her, but I would never ever, not in a million years, no pun intended, leave her. I'd never leave her bleeding again.

_This time I think I'm to blame  
it's harder to get through the days  
you get older and blame turns to shame_

Bella had a horror of growing older, and while I didn't exactly think of the word 'horror' when it came to her aging, although it was certainly part of the problem. I didn't want to take away Bella's humanity, I didn't want to deprive of her a normal life, growing old and having children, just so I would never lose her. I wanted it so badly, for myself, to never have to lose her, to have her for all eternity, all to myself, but that was exactly the definition of selfishness.

I looked down at her, feeling a new stabbing pain in my chest, welting away at my insides. Her breathing was evening out, a bit steadier, and definitely more normal. Her hands were grasping, with every bit of human strength she held, to my arm that was wound around her. She was mumbling in her sleep, mostly a jumble of words that I couldn't quite make out.

My body went a little less rigid, as I felt her relaxation riding throughout her. She tossed for a few moments, her legs knocking against mine, her hair fluttering into my face, pelting me with the sweet scent. Her heart rate picked up, it slamming against the insides of her chest. Her hand, clammy with sweat, was trying to regain a tight grasp on my arm. "Edward, please, please, don't go," she whimpered, her words slapping me across the face, "please, please don't leave, stay with me." I could feel the salty tears dripping down her face, whether she knew it or not.

_'Cause everything inside it never comes out right  
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die._

Everything I felt inside, _that_ day never made sense. And as much as I tried to explain to myself, to others –although it wasn't a regular topic discussion- it never came out right, always incoherent.

Seeing Bella crying was worse than being tortured by Jane, worse than never being able to really kiss her. She was far too beautiful to be doing such an ugly thing. And I knew I was the reason behind her tears, the reason behind her pain, and there was nothing I could do to take it away. Despite my vampire strength, I could do nothing. I wasn't nearly strong enough as she gave me credit for.

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue  
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you  
And I know I can't take it back_

In the end, leaving her was stupid, pointless. It held the same importance of a snowfall in Alaska, of rain in Forks. I wish I could take back leaving her, not just to extinguish the pain I caused her, but because of Jacob Black. Because I knew if I hadn't of left her, he never would have been there to clean her up, to lift her off of the ground.

_  
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds  
And baby the way you make my world go 'round  
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.  
_

Everything about Bella was wonderful. Her long brown hair, that smelled amazing, or her sweet voice, and distinct heartbeat. Bella made my life worth living, rather than just a damned one. She made me feel as human as I could be, as much as it was allowed. I wasn't sure if Bella knew all this, how much she really did give meaning to my life or much she truly did change my life, but I certainly did.

And as a way to repay her, for everything she gave me, I hurt her. I hurt her so badly, that it couldn't be undone, that no matter what she said or how hard I tried, I would never feel as though she was alright or the hurt I had inflicted on her was gone, to never come back to haunt either of us.

_  
Every single day I think about how we came all this way  
the sleepless nights and the tears you cried  
it's never too late to make it right  
Oh yeah sorry  
__  
_She turned herself in my arms, her face now facing me, or rather my chest, but it was just as nice to see her face. Her hands were gripping my shirt, afraid I'd leave, but I never would. I would never let her out of my sight. "Edward," she mumbled, her face flushing.

"I'm right here, Bella, right here."

"I love you," she whispered, and heartbeat indicted that she was no longer sleeping, but rather in the early stages of waking up.

"I love you, too, Bella, I love you, too."

And maybe, perhaps, with a lot of time and patience, on both of our parts, that it wasn't too late to make things right.

_A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed it, so review and tell me what you think!_


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